Para sa OTSO

     

          Enrile girls.

                    

                    Nerds.

Boring.
                       

                     KJ.

Haha. Ganyan ba talaga tayo non? Parang oo na hindi. Kumbaga 50-50 lang.

50-50 sa Enrile girls dahil apat lang naman sa atin ang talagang nakatira ron. Kumpleto lang ang barkada kapag may pyesta, bertdey, kunwa-kunwariang group study at pag-spy sa boylet ni Silvina haha.

Nerds. Hindi rin. Iyong tipong may suot na glasses, mahabang skirt, libro lagi ang dala, kapag break time, libro pa rin ang binabasa. Iyong natapos ang apat na taon at hindi ka man lang naalis sa pagiging classroom officer. Hindi kaya! Nakiki-basa rin naman tayo non sa pocketbooks ni Ate Benelyn! Eto pa, kung akala nila ay puro Creative Writing class assignments lang ang sinusulat naming ni Chie, siyempre mali! Natapos ang 3rd year na halos mapuno ang isang notebook naming para sa chikibels na tulang Before I Let You Go, Somewhere Down the Road. Pamilyar ba? Oo, nahugot ang mga yan sa mga senting kanta haha.

Boring. Errr!!!!!! Sa pamantayan ng mga bulakbol, malamang oo. Pero sa pamantayan ng mga responsableng mag-aaral (ahem ahem), of course not haha. Pero sige, iisa-isahin natin ang boring side:

1. Iyong may prescribed PE short na above the knee, bumili ng sariling yellow short at pinaputulan ng around an inch below the knee- yeah, the manang style!

2. Iyong JS Prom, nagbunutan kung sino ang sasama ng Manila (dahil libre ang sasakyan) para bumili ng damit para sa sinasabi nilang pinaka-exciting part ng high school life. Pumwesto sa likod ng pick up, nahilo sa Viscaya at ang ending sa dress hunting ay shimmering glittering na may slit at may kasama pang shawl. At ang kulay? Dark blue at violet na nung sinamahan ng make up, yay!! Disaster to the nth level. Pero siyempre, nung time na yon, feel na feel pa natin. May group picture nga na naka side view ang lahat tapos ang kamay ay naka-pwesto na parang iyong sa choir. I repeat. Nang time na'yan, maganda tayo. Yiiii!!!!!!!!!! Hahaha

3. Iyong sawang-sawa na ang canteen staff dahil wala na tayong ibang pinupuntahan for lunch. Kunwa-kunwariang bumibili ng candy para lang makakuha ng table. Minsan, nakasabay natin si crush. Napilitan akong bumili ng kanin at ulam dahil ang baon ko nang araw na ‘yon ay adobong sitaw. Kalerki!

4. Iyong snacks time, di papansinin ang 8oz coke kundi papatusin ang litro, kukuha ng walong supot (na-miss ko to) tas punta sa hotdog stand na may footlong para divided into 4 ang isa, sakto na ang dalawa! O di ba?Busog na, tipid pa!

But we weren't at all boring.

1. Nagpapaalam din naman tayo para sa group study pero ang punta ay sa pyesta. Nagpunta nga tayo ng perya, sumakay sa ferris wheel at ang inabot ay sakit sa ulo at pagsusuka.

2. Iyong tumakas sa intrams para lang maligo sa ilog at take note, naligo sa ilog na ang suot ay pajama – soo manang. Pag-uwi, ingat na ingat na wag dumikit ang puwet sa upuan ng tricycle dahil paniguradong mababasa ang palda. Alam na siguro kung bakit - basa ang _____. :D

3. Iyong akala ng lahat, wala tayong love life pero meron, meron meron!!!!!!!!!!! Hindi nga lang official hahaha

4. Iyong nauso ang textmate dahil sa unlitxt na yan at nauso ang cheap na sim card na may free load at naging suki tayo ng swap… Pinaka-maraming textmate si Honey!

5. Iyong kunwaring magsi-CR sa SPA building pero ang totoo ay gusto lang silipin ang crush (hindi ako yon!)

Oh well, after 9 years, marami ang nagbago.

“Well my music was different in high school; I was singing about love—you know, things I don't care about anymore.”

Charot lang haha.  Medyo nabawasan ang manang look (in fairness naman), hindi na tayo naghahati-hati sa sandwich, hindi na rin masyadong patok sa’tin ang unli. Iyong may love life non, sila na ang wala ngayon (sino kaya yon haha) tas yung akala mo tomboy non, aba e wagas kung pumorma ngayon.

Ang kulot, umunat. Ang unat, nagpakulot. Oh well, the ironies of life. May kanya-kanya na rin tayong kwento sa career, sa pamilya, etcetera, etcetera. Iba na ang usapan ngayon: kung noon ay magbabayad ng tumataginting na tatlumpong libo ang unang-mag-aasawa, ngayon ay highly recommended (with matching premyo) na ang pagkakaroon ng lovelife.

Hay! High school life oh my high school life (sabay left and right ang kumpas ng ulo).

Pero sa lahat ng pagbabagong ito, may isang natirang totoo:

Ang OTSO: Kahit sa maraming taon na di tayo laging nagkikita, buong-buo pa rin ang barkada. Dumarami lang siguro ang napaguusapan at lumalawak lang ang mundong ating ginagalawan. Pero ganon pa rin. Walang nagbago.  May aso't pusa (Keith at Raisa?), may tine-text pa rin ng tatay (Joyce?), may seksi pa rin (ako ba 'to? haha)... ahh basta. 

Sa lahat ng ito, kasamang lumalalim at lumalawak ang pagkakaibigang nabuo nung High School years and for that, I am most grateful. Dalaga na tayo!!!! Hahaha…

PRESENTING OTSO VERSION 2.0!!

P.S. darating ang araw at mabubuo rin sa picture ang walo. Baka nga di na lang walo dahil that time, ahemmm..meron ng mga chikitings!! so help us, God haha :)

2014: THAT BIG SURPRISE AND ALL THE IN-BETWEENS

Talk about surprises.

December 31, 9:00 PM.  We were attending a Church service before the New Year comes in.  The Pastor asked us to take the time to talk with God.  Things were running in my mind but I wanted to be specific.  I knew I can never dictate God.  But that night, I was His little girl - honest and outspoken.  And He gave me His words,

“Over and over, you've told me to take charge.  This year, allow me to give you my sweet surprises.”

Surprise.  I love the word but I am not so patient, Lord.  I want to know!

Minutes.  Hours.  Days.

Silence…

Then came the first week of January.  Out of nowhere, in the most unexpected place, I had my first surprise (this, I will have to write when the right time comes). 

I look back on that day and realize that surprises are indeed beautiful.  Had God told me about it earlier, it wouldn’t have felt that way.  There could have been no heart-pounding moments, the could-this-be-true reactions when I had to blink my eyes over and over just to make sure it’s real.  And God, for the nth time, proved Himself right - He knows!

So this year, I resolve to wait for the second, third and the many more surprises that He prepared for me.  But I know there’s one thing I must not forget: 2014 has 525,600 minutes and the big surprise may happen at the 525, 599^th .

So in between…

I will wake up earlier than 7 to appreciate how the sun slowly colors the sky when the day breaks in.  I will stare when the world is covered with a head-turner sunset and be in awe when darkness takes a different form of art as the stars and the moon take their place. 

I will be more welcoming to pain and heartbreaks and heartaches because it’s in those that I will learn more of forgiving and giving and loving.  I will prepare a room to deal with frustrations and anger and failures because I know that I will never be spared from those.  I will allow myself to breakdown when life gets hard and shout when circumstances get a little out of hand.  I will shed a tear.  I will cry knowing that crying is also healing. 

While I wait, I will love.  Sometimes, talking just doesn’t make sense.  But silence does.  And in my silence, someone can speak.  And I can listen. 

Love needs no words, at times.  Presence is enough.

And when the world becomes too demanding and busyness makes me forget that I belong to a family, I will slow down.  I will take time to sip coffee with daddy, sit and do nothing with my siblings and share stories with mommy.

Time.  Nothing beats it when it comes to love.

In between the waiting and the unfolding, I will live.  I will get lost in places I’ve never been to.  I will cross islands and mountains and forests and rediscover the beauty of creation.  I will take my books and read them in a beachfront.  I will learn to ride on waves and know that my life is more of an ocean: sometimes it is steady and sometimes it is not.  I need to learn how to wave with my own waves and learn when to go out from the water world and kiss the seashore.  Yes, I’ll have to learn that I am connected to something bigger and wider so I have to feel the sand and allow other people to also step in my world.  And though I believe in the goodness of man, I have to accept that they, too, can hurt me.

So while many can be merry, there will be times when I’ll have to take my time alone – to do the mending, to listen to my own voice, to look at myself in the mirror, to study nothing else but myself.

I will scream, go crazy but I will know more about ‘me’.  I will live.

And I will write.  Not just for me, but also for you.

I want you to also believe.  I hope, you, too, will believe in the beauty of the unknown.  That you will never lose the excitement for what awaits you.  I want you to believe that they will come.  Not in your appointed time but in God’s perfect will.

Above all, I hope that while you wait like I do, you will never be consumed by what you’re waiting for.  You will live.  You will realize that there’s so much more in between the waiting and the unfolding; that there are small but equally beautiful surprises for your taking.  I hope that while you have that joy for the future, you will never forget the now, the first 525, 599 minutes of your year. 

And when you get to see your surprise, know that I will be smiling with you. 

And your story will be an added bonus to God’s sweet surprise for me.

photo from the web

P.S. I’ve been compiling several things in this blog and it took time before I decided to finally open this to everyone.  But here it is now, still part of the ‘I will’ list and the in-betweens J

LOVE IS... (For You Dear Rizza)

photo from the web

You know I seldom write about love these past months. One can scan through my journal and all she'll find are beginnings. I couldn’t finish one. No, I do not want to finish one. I go back to the old notes but none of them seem to awaken a familiar feeling anymore. Maybe it happens. Words somehow lose their meanings with time. One can relate though but the emotions that go with them when they first came to life are somewhere in the past. Lost. Void. Forgotten.

Then came the conversation last night. Defining the non-negotiables. Standing and never compromising. You shared your typical-girl-who-wants-to-be-in-love rants. Been there, done that (imagine me waving my hands, haha). Well, sometimes, I’m still in between. I float between the feeling of rushing into love and the feeling of waiting ‘til Mr. Right finds his way. Urrggh, the usual me :) But talking with you made me want to write about it again. Not in bits and pieces. I want to write it in whole this time. 

Perhaps, through this, you would know and you would understand why I’m giving love all the time it needs. And you would see that it’s taking a little longer than man’s own version of time. But still I resolve to wait and I hope you would do the same. ‘Til love, a God-send love hits us both dearest sis, straight from the heart. 

So here goes your back-from-hiatus-hopeless-romantic-joy. I’m not sure I can write it well but I will try, anyway. I guess the advantage of forgetting is being able to fill in the empty spaces with new love-perhaps, new love-hopes. Remembering only few from what I used to know gives me a wider view of what love is. 

Love is when I feel I’m at my best and I know he’s there and he comes and shakes my hand and he smiles. The ever prepared me will also smile, summon all the words I have rehearsed for long but will fail big time. The epic fail, I will unconsciously leave and soon regret that I did. Because the truth is, I can never be prepared for that moment. Every detail of it would be a delightful surprise. I will run out of words, I will get conscious, I might not even notice him at first or he may find me intimidating. But love, when he recognizes me, will pursue me, first from God. 

Love is one funny morning when he would come to my house and find me sipping coffee and talking with daddy. Shaking on the inside, he will sit with us and start stammering but will keep on trying until he finds his way to my father’s heart. It’s when I would take time to make coffee for him (oh I wish he loves coffee, too) while he bravely stands the man-to-man talk with dad. I will ask afterwards but he will just smile, and I, too, will smile. 

Love is when we disagree on many things and I make a resolve to get angry and stop talking to him. But not an hour will pass when my guards are down. And slowly, awkwardly, we break the silence and laugh as if nothing happened. Because love understands, it is ever patient and forgiving. 

Love is when the years have cooled down the ephemeral tickle of ‘I love you’, ‘I miss you’ and ‘wish you were here’ and we will both decide to stay and rediscover how it felt like when we first met. We will give in to temper at times and we would question why we wanted each other. But even that question will lead us to realizing the reasons love came in. And we will stay. And I love you, I miss you will again feel brand new. 

Love is when I watch him and my fears of the now and then and all the others in between melt away. It's not his promises, not his sweet nothings that will make me believe but it's the depth of his soul that comes bare when I look him in the eye. 

Love is when his muscles have been replaced with fats and when for me, 36-24-36 no longer applies. And still I call him handsome and he would say, “of course, that’s why you never stopped chasing me until I said yes.” And I would disagree. And he would call me beautiful, and I would answer, “you probably used a spell to make me marry you.” Then the teasing goes on. The children would find it corny and sweet. Just because when our lives begin again at 40, we see beauty in a whole new perspective: something more genuine, something more fascinating that emanates from the inside out. 

Love, when aging makes us forget, will be a silent, constant reminder that his story can never be told without Joy in it. Because love made us one and my story had become his. 

Love is, when I can write no more and death will take its toll, I have loved him, he has loved me. Utterly and purely. #

written 11.05.13

God in Malaysia (written 10.27.13)

It's my third time in Malaysia but I still fall in love with the place :)

I am writing from a different part of the world. I wanted to talk about the places I have so far visited, the foods I ate, the cars I’ve rode in and the people I’ve met but something from deep within wanted me to share something else. A burning passion makes me want to write something else.

Brokenness. In Malaysia, God broke me. Again. Piece by piece. Layer by layer. Every hour since I arrived has been a revelation of who I am before God and who He is in my life. 

1. Who am I in your life? I know I am on the right track. I know I am doing the things I like and the things closest to my heart. I know those things are likewise close to God’s heart. But yesterday, He confronted me: Joy, who am I in your life? In all the activities you have been so far doing, where am I? What occupied most of your time? Your thoughts? What concerns you? What matters most to you? Where am I in all of those? 

2. Will you be Mary instead of Martha? Not that I don’t want you to be doing the things that you are now doing. Not that I want you to stop working but will you find time to sit down with me? Even before you started all these things, you knew why you wanted them. And I gave them to you but along the way, they’ve snatched you from me. Or should I say, you began loving them more than me. I missed listening to your stories, to your different encounters with different people. I even missed your rants and your childish pleas that make me smile at times. There can be no sweeter offering but a fellowship with you, my child. Can I be your first love once more? 

3. Joy, will you trust me? Mary, out of her love for Me, poured all of her perfume and wiped my feet with her hair. The perfume was worth a year of salary. Judas, my disciple said it could have been sold instead, to be given to the poor. Sounded practical and logical but Mary didn’t listen. Martha was also complaining, asking her to help in serving Me but Mary kept on listening to Me. Mary never listened to man. She chose to listen to me. She chose Me. 

Joy, does the world’s opinion matter more than mine? When some aspects of your life are not going according to man’s time and calendar, do you listen to the world’s voice or do you believe that my purpose for you is my perfect timing? 

Like Mary who, without reservation poured all what’s left in the perfume, please don’t be afraid to lose because of me. Be afraid of nothing because I own everything. And as Mary opened the perfume without hesitation, please open up yourself to me because only then will my fragrance can fill the whole of you. 

4. Joy, I know! Have I ever failed you? In all your trying moments, have I forsaken you? I am the beginning and the end. I know. Every bit of you, every single strand of your hair, I know you. There may be times when I allow you to take detours but it is during those times that I want you to experience more of me. Trust me, you need those things sometimes. Remember the manna I gave to Israelites in the desert? Why do you think did I purposely ask them to get the manna every day? I could have allowed them to gather foods for the whole month but I didn’t. Like how I wanted them to GET fresh manna from heaven every single day, I also want you to receive a fresh revelation of my lordship every new day, not every month or every week but every waking day. 

Joy, I know your needs and I am never late to respond but more than experiencing the blessing, I want you to experience my love for you. 

5. Why do you limit me? I’ve created the earth for you and everything in it is for your taking. Why do you limit yourself? Why do you limit me? A man can have the latest gadget in the world but if he doesn’t know how to use it or if he wouldn’t want to maximize it, the gadget would be useless. Have I not given you the wisdom and the necessary gifts to enable you to do bigger things? I cannot work in you unless you make way for me. Go back to the dreams and vision you have written years ago. Activate your gifts. Think out of the box. Work harder. I will bless the work of your hands. I will expand your territory. You see, I allow you to be with the people you are with now, I allow you to experience what you are experiencing in this trip not just to treat or spoil you but to make you catch the vision. Catch the vision, dear Joy, then, let’s work on it together. 

6. I love you Remember that I have your best interest. I love you, please don’t forget that. I am and will always be your Father. 

--- 

Brokenness. Ahh, only God knows how many more pieces of me would be dealt with, in the coming days. I am excited :)

 

Enjoying the sumptuous meals with friends 

Have always been grateful to have these spiritual mentors, Ptr Li Mend and Ptr Raymond

Lovely children who are currently living in a home for Myanmar kids

Nations unite! Taken after the street feeding in Malaysia

And oh, I will never forget this jamming in Sixstrings :) Idadaan na lang sa gitara!

Let me do the teh tarik :) (An Indian hot milk tea served during the street feeding)

And another food trip with Uncle Alan

Lovely Nengsis :)

Each Other's Miracle

We’re pained, we’re broken, we’re almost naked but we’re not dead.  We are fighting!

This is the Filipino spirit. I’ve seen this in the families I’ve talked to, and I have heard these lines from the many parents who still manage to smile despite their losses.

Typhoon Haiyan undeniably brought devastation in its most gruesome face. I can tell you hundreds of these stories. Being part of the communications team, I get the chance to talk to people, listen to mothers cry, empathize with fathers’ fears, and feel for children who are adjusting.

Pain has many ugly faces, and listening to these is emotionally exhausting. But in the ugliness of pain also comes the beauty of love that gives birth to hope.

I’m still astounded.

I wish I could adequately describe the smiles of the people during relief distributions. When they see the relief packs, not even the click of a camera can capture the glow in their eyes. More than the material things, the thought that people from all over the world remembered them gives them joy. Because love, especially from strangers, has the power to rebuild and to strengthen. In this I see hope.

I wish my words could be enough to show how children in World Vision’s Child-Friendly Spaces(CFS) run toward the volunteer facilitators, how their eyes grow big when they see the toys, art materials, and other items included in the CFS kits. I enjoy watching as they eagerly share their drawings and heartily laugh with every activity given to them.  No matter how tired I may be, their giggles make me smile. There’s something in these little ones that relaxes the whole of me. When they smile, my heart melts. In them, I see hope.

And this life in the field. It is never easy. The travel time from a covered area to the command center is 1.5 to four hours, and that means waking up earlier than usual. And just when everyone’s ready with the distribution list, the scarcity in supplies comes to play. And we get frustrated at times because we know how badly the community needs the relief goods.

But some things are beyond our control, so we go with Plan B. When you see the needs of the people, you give yourself no other option but to do whatever you can to fast-track the distribution.

I still smile every time I remember how we make each other laugh when all these things happen. We remember how a staff member unknowingly said to an elderly person, “Who will carry you?” instead of “Who will carry your goods?” The old woman laughed and we all laughed. That blooper took all our tiredness away. It also amazes me how we push each other, not just because we want to achieve our targets, but because we care about the people who are already hungry. That is love, and in that, I see hope. We’re not leaving the people by themselves. As a team, we’ll be there for them.

I won’t forget the “English is on” mode. World Vision colleagues from different countries have come to the Philippines to help in the response, and it is amazing to see people of different nationalities come together for one cause. It reminds me that the Philippines is part of a bigger picture, that this is not just the plight of Filipinos. The whole world is with us. I see hope.

As a humanitarian worker, I know I did not just give. I also received: from their smiles, from their embraces, from their strength, from their relentless spirit. To the players behind this, to the donors and sponsors who never got tired of giving, to the colleagues in the warehouse, to the programming team, to the spiritual warriors, to the children who never failed to make me smile, and to the mothers and fathers who bravely face this trial, hope may not be something tangible, but I do feel it.

I hope that my words are enough to tell the world, even when they cannot personally see how things operate in the field, how blessed Filipinos felt. We were never left alone. Typhoon Haiyan may have brought us the worst scenario one could ever imagine, but it also revealed the best in humanity: In this battle, we became each other’s miracle.

https://blog.worldvision.org/content/aid-workers-blog-each-others-miracle?&campaign=10680814