He's the man

Let me tell you one of the closest stories in my heart - my dad’s.

This man’s life is a perfect example of 180 degree turn around.  He is, in all sense, a product of unmerited favor, of overflowing grace.

My dad grew up in an unstable family.  His father served in the military, was deployed and had children in Luzon and Mindanao (winner!).  His mother, my Mama Old, was a beautiful woman who later on became an alcoholic.  At an early age, I think daddy knew that it’s going to be a tough life for him so he persevered.  According to him, he wanted to become a lawyer but his father couldn’t afford.  He then went to his uncle who supported him in his studies.  It was there that he met the brat girl (niece of his uncle's wife) who reasons out to avoid washing the dishes, who sticks her tongue out when she has coca-cola while he has nothing, and who will eventually become his wife and my mom (I'll write their love story next year :-).

Soon, Daddy went to Middle East and accepted different jobs so he could save up.  When he had enough, he went back to the country, became a policeman and married my mom.  That’s when his countless tales in the village began.

My father is fondly called Palos in our community.  Palos is the filipino word for freshwater eel, known for its being elusive.  He had several encounters with death but he’s always been spared.  One of his enemies before told us that he was about to secretly shoot my father straight in the head when he passed by our house.  Fortunately, my father took me from my mom (I was still a baby) and so he had to back off.  

Everyone was afraid of him but in a good way.  He was never a smoker, but gee, was he a drunkard!  When I was about 6, my sisters and I would run to the room and pretend we’re asleep every time we hear his car coming.  He never laid a hand on any of us though.  I even remember him mentoring me when I joined a competition.  But it was excessive alcohol that got the best of him.  My mother, who I admire for her patience, was I think a not so happy wife back then.  And you know how such family atmosphere can affect a child? Not good at all.

I was around 9 when things started to change.  Tatay Oscar, a missionary, came to our village and started his ministry.  My father became a church goer but it ended there.  The Lord, however, has his ways.  One night, my father had a dream.  He said he saw himself in heaven and it was a good feeling.  The second night, he dreamt of hell.  Curiosity got him so he asked Tatay Oscar.  That was his life’s defining moment. 

“Maybe the Lord is presenting you two options.  You have to make a choice.”  And he made a good choice.

My master's graduation was the
first school event he attended.
His car was stuck in the mountains when
he was on his way to my college grad.

I wish I could say that everything turned out well after his change of heart.  But no.  At least for me and him.  Maybe because I witnessed how he and my mom fought.  Maybe because when things settle, and the situation changes, you get a space somewhere in your mind, to think of how deprived you were of something.  I was deprived of attention.  My father never attended any recognition program at school. I was always either with my grandparents or with the house helper.  Ask me then who I would rather have in my life and I would choose my grandmother over my parents.

I had that pain with me while growing up.  I eventually transferred in a different school when I was 10, which worsened the gap.  I remember one time, we were on our way home from the church.  He cuddled me and said that I was growing up too fast.  I didn’t respond.  Maybe because I didn’t know how.  I was never used to it, afterall.  He never won an argument with me.  I would slam the door, talk back and lock myself in the room. Medyo bumait na ako ngayon :)

I started reconciling with him (we never talked about it but it just happened) when I went to college.  Imagine.  For how many years, my sisters would kiss him and my mom on the cheek whenever they leave the house while I, the most hostile girl in the world, would not dare do anything.  I was the girl who can’t be moved haha. How suplada can I get, noh? But college years changed that.  Distance was one of the reasons.  When you’re away, you eventually learn to see the good things in your parents. I began to appreciate how he asks the bus driver to drop by the university guard house just to leave chocolates and chips.   Age also played a part.  As you grow older, you realize that your parents are also a day, a month, a year closer to getting those wrinkles and gray hairs.  And it will dawn on you that the time lost on keeping grudges are moments that are forever gone.     

Through the years, I came to appreciate the man behind the person I call dadsung, daddy, baba or whatever name my sisters and I get from telenovelas.  It took time but I must say that more than anything else, I admire his courage to change. When I got my heart broken, my mom said that it was my father’s greatest fear: for his children, all girls, to experience what he did to other women before.  Karma, eh? But I felt otherwise and he also did after some time.  I knew I had my own story to tell and the curse of his past is no match to the mercy of my God.  Daddy's past doesn't define my future but his being a father does influence it.  I remember writing this on his birthday.

“Have you not been strong enough to leave your old ways, I would not have had such an awesome family. Have you not chosen to be a faithful husband, even with the crowd of women around you, I would never have seen and believed in the beauty of marriage. Have you not responded to the call of God, things would have been really different. Have you not been "kengkoy" enough to sit beside me, put your arms around my shoulder, call me darling and neneng, and jokingly ask me on the things that are going on in my life, I wouldn't have had such assurance of the woman that I am. It takes a real man to do all those things daddy, a real man to become a good father, a wonderful husband, an obedient child of God. It takes a real man to be man enough and you did them all. I can never be more proud for being your daughter and day by day, your life reminds me of how God has greatly blessed me.”

My parents are the most generous people I know.  

His decision to change was a decision that impacted our family.  Writing this now, I see how much he’s been through and perhaps, most of those were too much to bear at his age.  But thank God for His grace.  Thank God because He knew that we needed a father.  Daddy eventually left the service and became a pastor (shocked? yes I’m a pastor’s kid haha).  A lot of people were literally surprised, including his drinking classmates but isn’t this the best thing about grace?  All your detours, your brokenness and your foolishness can actually become your biggest and most powerful testimony.  And the enemy who almost shoot him?  He became a pastor, too.

I wouldn’t say that daddy is now perfect. No, he is far from that.  We still argue sometimes and he still has love quarrels (what a term) with mommy.  But you know what follows those arguments?  An out of the blue couple dance (nakakasuya minsan), his famous composition to tease her when they were young (delia, delia tunggaya, naganak sangalabba) and a coffee date just outside the house.  It’s called pure joy.  It’s called family.  It’s called my dad's better story.