Slow down

There's no way I could buy time. I realised that while responding to different emergencies.  More than the loss of homes and properties, the loss of lives was the most unbearable. There were too many what ifs. I've listened to people who wished they could have spent more time with their family members, people who hoped they could have shown some more love.

It made me think: what am I really toiling for? Working hard is good. But learning how to slow down is a must. So yeah, that realisation led us to Bohol for our yearly vacation.

Our trip in Bohol last June was our first out-of-Luzon family getaway. For some of my siblings, that was their first plane ride. It was fun. No, it was actually crazy! I think disagreement is always embedded in a family. We argued about where to eat, where to go first, who wakes up at what time, who takes care of the wet clothes and all about other petty things. I also think that it's in slow downs that families are able to fully listen to each other. That trip allowed our jobs, studies and other commitments to take a back seat. Coffee times were not done in a hurry. Dinner by the beach was great. We explored the beauty of Bohol at day time and enjoyed the unlimited pool access at night. Mommy enjoyed the island hopping, including the snorkling! My siblings and I practically enjoyed everything haha.

I look forward to the next adventure. I am not getting younger. So are my parents. So are my siblings. Wouldn't it be best to make the most out of every single time given to us? 

I saw you at a crossroad

I saw you at a crossroads.

It happened when I was standing in the middle of the intersecting roads, looking obviously confused how to get there. It wasn't an issue of destination because I knew where I wanted to go.  I knew where my heart wanted to be led but I didn't know how. You know what frustrated me most? I knew my purpose but I got lost in my options. There were too many roads - each had its own lure.

Then I saw you - not moving, not saying a word. Five years back, I would have accused you of being uncaring. I know better now. You trusted me, you loved me that you didn't force your will into me. If I were to make a decision, I would have to make it, fully trusting that You will see me through.  

And you did. You still do. I still have my fears and doubts and there are times when overthinking gets the best of me but I've learned to listen to you. I've learned to see you cheering me on, helping me get over the uncertainties crying in my head. In you, I get assured that whichever way I choose, You will be in it, smiling, clapping. 

Through the years, you taught me that crossroads are your roads just the same.

Daddy's girl

Once she was a child

her father would hold her hands

and they'd walk, walk along the dusty road.

She'd talk, expand phrases from two to three 

And he would smile, try hard to understand.

Now she's no longer a child

No more holding hands

just walking side by side

Walking, talking, reminiscing

along the once dusty road

Things have changed

Time flew fast

but the moon that once watched them

is the same moon that now smiles at them

She is still her father's child.

Dealing with regrets

One of the hardest things to deal with is regret. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na parang paulit-ulit kang binabalik sa nakaraan, pinapamukha sa'yo ang lahat ng pagkakamali, lahat ng nasayang, lahat ng nawalang di na maibabalik pa. Na kahit na maayos ka na, kahit na umaayon na lahat sa gusto mo, parang pinapamukha sa'yo ang kulang, ang puwang na napunan sana kung tama ang lahat mula pa nung una.

I've had my fair share of that. I cried, I mourned, I wished, I looked back. There were moments when the regret came unintentionally - when a smell, a spot, a person, a sound triggered the emotion. I thought of the years when I could have chosen my job better. I thought of the days when I could have pursued graduate studies earlier. I thought of the people I easily let go, of the words I never had the courage to tell them. I thought of the many times I could have spent for something else, of the chances I could have given or grabbed. The truth is, no matter how beautiful things have turned out, at one point, you will be confronted by the remnants of your past.

Regret. It will try to drag you down - to emphasize the things that are lacking, to amplify the dead dreams. It works in a way that would make you want to go back to yesterday and forever dwell in there. I wish I can tell you how to get rid of regrets. But I can't. I can't because regret also comes to me once in a while. Years ago, I would wallow on it. I would take in every memory it feeds me as if not doing so is betrayal to all that has been. As years pass, I've learned to deal with it.

The Lord makes all things new

Whether it's an opportunity, a relationship that's been lost, I am always assured that God is able to make things new. When the enemy feeds my thoughts with the 'what ifs' and the 'could have beens', the Lord fills my heart with excitement for the things that are to come. He overwhelms my heart with peace, with the knowledge that everything works together for the good of those who love Him. While I know that what happened to me in the past was the result of my own decisions, I still believe that God allowed such detours to spare me from further harm.

I cast it out

It is a spiritual battle, I know. It brings back the guilt, the lure of living in the past and forgetting about the present. When the thoughts become overpowering, I cast out. It's important to hide behind the cross, to declare the power of the name who healed me, who set me free. Regret comes knocking at any time - when you're commuting, when you're alone, when you're at your lowest points. Walking away from it even before it consumes you is necessary.

And so my prayer for you is that you'll be armoured with God's unending grace as you deal with regrets. I pray that you will always be reminded that you are a new creation, that whatever may have been lost in the past will be filled in by His love. Regret comes but it also goes. The decision is yours.

Faith like Joshua

I've always had this mentality that victory comes in installment. That dreams come true but they should be staggered. That to have your heart's deepest desires all at once is too much, too ambitious. This kind of thinking limited my faith in many ways. I also know that this, in many ways, has limited God's movements in my life.

And so when I heard a different take on Joshua's story, I was shaken. The Lord has already given him the victory. Most of the Amorites died not from the Israelites' swords but from the ways of the Lord. The enemies have fled. God has spared the Gibeonites. It could have been enough.

But Joshua knew better. The Lord promised him in Joshua 10:8 that NO ONE will be able to withstand him. Joshua knew that God has instored for him complete victory - ALL enemies will be subdued, NOT just flee. With this promise to hold on to, he boldly commanded the sun to stand still so they can push through with the battle.

12 On the day the Lord gave the Amorites over to Israel, Joshua said to the Lord in the presence of Israel:

“Sun, stand still over Gibeon,

    and you, moon, over the Valley of Aijalon.”

                        13 

So the sun stood still,

    and the moon stopped,

    till the nation avenged itself on[b] its enemies.

And the sun stood still. Joshua's faith. It's astonishing, isn't it?

I WANT THAT, TOO!

That faith that would keep claiming God's words to me years ago, "Joy, you will go to places" without necessary giving up another dream He placed in my heart. No, I don't have to choose between two dreams because if they're from God, He will make a way. God will be involved and I'll have both.

That faith that would take my worries of running out of provision because I am assured that God's grace is unlimited. I am His princess, I have the access.

That faith that the God who gave dreams and visions and promises to Joshua is the same God who spoke to me and will be working in me.

I am excited to do more harvesting this year. No reservations. No doubts. No to settling for partial victory. The moon has stopped, the sun is standing still. I am ready to conquer more!