LOVE IS... (For You Dear Rizza)

photo from the web

You know I seldom write about love these past months. One can scan through my journal and all she'll find are beginnings. I couldn’t finish one. No, I do not want to finish one. I go back to the old notes but none of them seem to awaken a familiar feeling anymore. Maybe it happens. Words somehow lose their meanings with time. One can relate though but the emotions that go with them when they first came to life are somewhere in the past. Lost. Void. Forgotten.

Then came the conversation last night. Defining the non-negotiables. Standing and never compromising. You shared your typical-girl-who-wants-to-be-in-love rants. Been there, done that (imagine me waving my hands, haha). Well, sometimes, I’m still in between. I float between the feeling of rushing into love and the feeling of waiting ‘til Mr. Right finds his way. Urrggh, the usual me :) But talking with you made me want to write about it again. Not in bits and pieces. I want to write it in whole this time. 

Perhaps, through this, you would know and you would understand why I’m giving love all the time it needs. And you would see that it’s taking a little longer than man’s own version of time. But still I resolve to wait and I hope you would do the same. ‘Til love, a God-send love hits us both dearest sis, straight from the heart. 

So here goes your back-from-hiatus-hopeless-romantic-joy. I’m not sure I can write it well but I will try, anyway. I guess the advantage of forgetting is being able to fill in the empty spaces with new love-perhaps, new love-hopes. Remembering only few from what I used to know gives me a wider view of what love is. 

Love is when I feel I’m at my best and I know he’s there and he comes and shakes my hand and he smiles. The ever prepared me will also smile, summon all the words I have rehearsed for long but will fail big time. The epic fail, I will unconsciously leave and soon regret that I did. Because the truth is, I can never be prepared for that moment. Every detail of it would be a delightful surprise. I will run out of words, I will get conscious, I might not even notice him at first or he may find me intimidating. But love, when he recognizes me, will pursue me, first from God. 

Love is one funny morning when he would come to my house and find me sipping coffee and talking with daddy. Shaking on the inside, he will sit with us and start stammering but will keep on trying until he finds his way to my father’s heart. It’s when I would take time to make coffee for him (oh I wish he loves coffee, too) while he bravely stands the man-to-man talk with dad. I will ask afterwards but he will just smile, and I, too, will smile. 

Love is when we disagree on many things and I make a resolve to get angry and stop talking to him. But not an hour will pass when my guards are down. And slowly, awkwardly, we break the silence and laugh as if nothing happened. Because love understands, it is ever patient and forgiving. 

Love is when the years have cooled down the ephemeral tickle of ‘I love you’, ‘I miss you’ and ‘wish you were here’ and we will both decide to stay and rediscover how it felt like when we first met. We will give in to temper at times and we would question why we wanted each other. But even that question will lead us to realizing the reasons love came in. And we will stay. And I love you, I miss you will again feel brand new. 

Love is when I watch him and my fears of the now and then and all the others in between melt away. It's not his promises, not his sweet nothings that will make me believe but it's the depth of his soul that comes bare when I look him in the eye. 

Love is when his muscles have been replaced with fats and when for me, 36-24-36 no longer applies. And still I call him handsome and he would say, “of course, that’s why you never stopped chasing me until I said yes.” And I would disagree. And he would call me beautiful, and I would answer, “you probably used a spell to make me marry you.” Then the teasing goes on. The children would find it corny and sweet. Just because when our lives begin again at 40, we see beauty in a whole new perspective: something more genuine, something more fascinating that emanates from the inside out. 

Love, when aging makes us forget, will be a silent, constant reminder that his story can never be told without Joy in it. Because love made us one and my story had become his. 

Love is, when I can write no more and death will take its toll, I have loved him, he has loved me. Utterly and purely. #

written 11.05.13

God in Malaysia (written 10.27.13)

It's my third time in Malaysia but I still fall in love with the place :)

I am writing from a different part of the world. I wanted to talk about the places I have so far visited, the foods I ate, the cars I’ve rode in and the people I’ve met but something from deep within wanted me to share something else. A burning passion makes me want to write something else.

Brokenness. In Malaysia, God broke me. Again. Piece by piece. Layer by layer. Every hour since I arrived has been a revelation of who I am before God and who He is in my life. 

1. Who am I in your life? I know I am on the right track. I know I am doing the things I like and the things closest to my heart. I know those things are likewise close to God’s heart. But yesterday, He confronted me: Joy, who am I in your life? In all the activities you have been so far doing, where am I? What occupied most of your time? Your thoughts? What concerns you? What matters most to you? Where am I in all of those? 

2. Will you be Mary instead of Martha? Not that I don’t want you to be doing the things that you are now doing. Not that I want you to stop working but will you find time to sit down with me? Even before you started all these things, you knew why you wanted them. And I gave them to you but along the way, they’ve snatched you from me. Or should I say, you began loving them more than me. I missed listening to your stories, to your different encounters with different people. I even missed your rants and your childish pleas that make me smile at times. There can be no sweeter offering but a fellowship with you, my child. Can I be your first love once more? 

3. Joy, will you trust me? Mary, out of her love for Me, poured all of her perfume and wiped my feet with her hair. The perfume was worth a year of salary. Judas, my disciple said it could have been sold instead, to be given to the poor. Sounded practical and logical but Mary didn’t listen. Martha was also complaining, asking her to help in serving Me but Mary kept on listening to Me. Mary never listened to man. She chose to listen to me. She chose Me. 

Joy, does the world’s opinion matter more than mine? When some aspects of your life are not going according to man’s time and calendar, do you listen to the world’s voice or do you believe that my purpose for you is my perfect timing? 

Like Mary who, without reservation poured all what’s left in the perfume, please don’t be afraid to lose because of me. Be afraid of nothing because I own everything. And as Mary opened the perfume without hesitation, please open up yourself to me because only then will my fragrance can fill the whole of you. 

4. Joy, I know! Have I ever failed you? In all your trying moments, have I forsaken you? I am the beginning and the end. I know. Every bit of you, every single strand of your hair, I know you. There may be times when I allow you to take detours but it is during those times that I want you to experience more of me. Trust me, you need those things sometimes. Remember the manna I gave to Israelites in the desert? Why do you think did I purposely ask them to get the manna every day? I could have allowed them to gather foods for the whole month but I didn’t. Like how I wanted them to GET fresh manna from heaven every single day, I also want you to receive a fresh revelation of my lordship every new day, not every month or every week but every waking day. 

Joy, I know your needs and I am never late to respond but more than experiencing the blessing, I want you to experience my love for you. 

5. Why do you limit me? I’ve created the earth for you and everything in it is for your taking. Why do you limit yourself? Why do you limit me? A man can have the latest gadget in the world but if he doesn’t know how to use it or if he wouldn’t want to maximize it, the gadget would be useless. Have I not given you the wisdom and the necessary gifts to enable you to do bigger things? I cannot work in you unless you make way for me. Go back to the dreams and vision you have written years ago. Activate your gifts. Think out of the box. Work harder. I will bless the work of your hands. I will expand your territory. You see, I allow you to be with the people you are with now, I allow you to experience what you are experiencing in this trip not just to treat or spoil you but to make you catch the vision. Catch the vision, dear Joy, then, let’s work on it together. 

6. I love you Remember that I have your best interest. I love you, please don’t forget that. I am and will always be your Father. 

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Brokenness. Ahh, only God knows how many more pieces of me would be dealt with, in the coming days. I am excited :)

 

Enjoying the sumptuous meals with friends 

Have always been grateful to have these spiritual mentors, Ptr Li Mend and Ptr Raymond

Lovely children who are currently living in a home for Myanmar kids

Nations unite! Taken after the street feeding in Malaysia

And oh, I will never forget this jamming in Sixstrings :) Idadaan na lang sa gitara!

Let me do the teh tarik :) (An Indian hot milk tea served during the street feeding)

And another food trip with Uncle Alan

Lovely Nengsis :)

Each Other's Miracle

We’re pained, we’re broken, we’re almost naked but we’re not dead.  We are fighting!

This is the Filipino spirit. I’ve seen this in the families I’ve talked to, and I have heard these lines from the many parents who still manage to smile despite their losses.

Typhoon Haiyan undeniably brought devastation in its most gruesome face. I can tell you hundreds of these stories. Being part of the communications team, I get the chance to talk to people, listen to mothers cry, empathize with fathers’ fears, and feel for children who are adjusting.

Pain has many ugly faces, and listening to these is emotionally exhausting. But in the ugliness of pain also comes the beauty of love that gives birth to hope.

I’m still astounded.

I wish I could adequately describe the smiles of the people during relief distributions. When they see the relief packs, not even the click of a camera can capture the glow in their eyes. More than the material things, the thought that people from all over the world remembered them gives them joy. Because love, especially from strangers, has the power to rebuild and to strengthen. In this I see hope.

I wish my words could be enough to show how children in World Vision’s Child-Friendly Spaces(CFS) run toward the volunteer facilitators, how their eyes grow big when they see the toys, art materials, and other items included in the CFS kits. I enjoy watching as they eagerly share their drawings and heartily laugh with every activity given to them.  No matter how tired I may be, their giggles make me smile. There’s something in these little ones that relaxes the whole of me. When they smile, my heart melts. In them, I see hope.

And this life in the field. It is never easy. The travel time from a covered area to the command center is 1.5 to four hours, and that means waking up earlier than usual. And just when everyone’s ready with the distribution list, the scarcity in supplies comes to play. And we get frustrated at times because we know how badly the community needs the relief goods.

But some things are beyond our control, so we go with Plan B. When you see the needs of the people, you give yourself no other option but to do whatever you can to fast-track the distribution.

I still smile every time I remember how we make each other laugh when all these things happen. We remember how a staff member unknowingly said to an elderly person, “Who will carry you?” instead of “Who will carry your goods?” The old woman laughed and we all laughed. That blooper took all our tiredness away. It also amazes me how we push each other, not just because we want to achieve our targets, but because we care about the people who are already hungry. That is love, and in that, I see hope. We’re not leaving the people by themselves. As a team, we’ll be there for them.

I won’t forget the “English is on” mode. World Vision colleagues from different countries have come to the Philippines to help in the response, and it is amazing to see people of different nationalities come together for one cause. It reminds me that the Philippines is part of a bigger picture, that this is not just the plight of Filipinos. The whole world is with us. I see hope.

As a humanitarian worker, I know I did not just give. I also received: from their smiles, from their embraces, from their strength, from their relentless spirit. To the players behind this, to the donors and sponsors who never got tired of giving, to the colleagues in the warehouse, to the programming team, to the spiritual warriors, to the children who never failed to make me smile, and to the mothers and fathers who bravely face this trial, hope may not be something tangible, but I do feel it.

I hope that my words are enough to tell the world, even when they cannot personally see how things operate in the field, how blessed Filipinos felt. We were never left alone. Typhoon Haiyan may have brought us the worst scenario one could ever imagine, but it also revealed the best in humanity: In this battle, we became each other’s miracle.

https://blog.worldvision.org/content/aid-workers-blog-each-others-miracle?&campaign=10680814

I love youth ministry!

It started in the church.  Years ago, there were these people who belonged to the Single's Ministry who would take a vacation leave from their works just to be with us during youth camps and other fellowships. Years ago, there these men and women who prayed, wept and fasted for us.  I remember my prayer then: I wanted to be like them.  There was this desire in my heart that one day soon, when I will be of their age, I will also be speaking and testifying in front of the youth.  It was in the church where my passion for young people developed.  

Those who mentored us before now belong to different ministries.  They've got their own families now but we are their legacy.  We are living proofs that the time and effort they all exerted when they were in their single season were never wasted.  

And so I'd like to do the same.  I get excited every time I hear of youth jam and youth camp and other youth fellowships.  Work could be very demanding at times but there's this force inside that brings me back to where I started.  There's this burning urge to pack my bags, travel 12 hours just to see how these young people connect themselves to God.  

I am happy looking at them praise and worship.  I see myself in them years ago.  I see much of who I was before and it makes me smile.  I thank God.  I thank Him on how He has used the church and the people to help me respond to my call.  And in whatever and however way I can, I want to make my life count and be used in helping these youth realize their God-send dreams.  

I am standing with the youth and I pray that their generation will better shape the human history. :)

1. The first photo was taken last October 18, a prelude to the church's anniversary
2. Second photo was taken in April during the summer youth camp.

I think of you

I think of you now.  I think of the years ahead us.  I think of the kids kissing and hugging and laughing and sharing stories with us.  I think of you and me having those white hairs.  I think of our wrinkled faces.  I think of how we would lovingly smile at each other 50 years from now.  I think of how we are going to talk about our past; of how we would heartily laugh at all the jokes we had when we were younger.  I think of how you would still look at me despite the fading traces of our youth.  I think of how I would still admire your manhood, your authority even with the days slowly taking your physical strength.  I think of how our eyes would glow as our grandchildren would come running to hear our stories from long ago.  I smile as I see us chasing them.  I smile as I see myself coaching our daughter on how to become a good mom and you, coaching her husband on how to become a real man.  I think of you now and it makes me want to cry.  I think of me and you and I smile.

I think of you even if I do not know who you are.  I think of you even if  I have no idea on how God will lead you to me.  I think of you.  I think of you and I feel even more in love with you.  Wherever you are, I hope you feel this.  Whatever you are doing now, I hope that somehow, somewhere in your heart, you feel this little kick of longing too. 

I think of you now.  I think of what you may possibly be doing.  I think of how God is working in you.  I smile even as I imagine that day when you will come.  I smile as I see you coming before me, sweeping me off my feet and leaving me totally speechless.  Oh that I may hug you on that day.

I think of you now.  I will think of you in the coming days, in the coming months.  I guess, there will never be a time when I won’t be thinking of you.  Until we meet face to face.  Until we reach that moment when we both wouldn't know how to tell the story of you, finding me, and me, waiting for you. 

Until then my dearest.   Until you find me.  Until I see you.  Until we meet.  

Proud Ate

I can never be more proud as an Ate to my three siblings.  They've grown to be beautiful and fine young ladies.  I guess, the four of us will always be testaments to how good our parents are and looking at how each of us has grown and rose above childhood caprices, mommy and daddy must have really done a good job.

Last September 29, during our Mom's birthday, I challenged them to write and post their message in Facebook.  They are not into writing as I am into it but gee, reading their works really make me proud and Mommy must have been so happy, too.  Sharing their messages below: :)
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Divine's Message:

I really don’t know how to start this message of mine, will I thank you first or will I just say “Happy Birthday” and just end this. But then I realized I would like the world to know how blessed I’ am to have you, the coolest mother in this world, as my mom.

So here it goes.

Mom do you remember when you always text me “Anakko Innta agdate" ? Those times when you tell me “Kayam ata anakko, sika pay!”. Those times when you always tell me “I LOVE YOU” every time you end our phone conversation? Those times when you and dad do those "corny" and "cheesy" stuff in front of us? Those times when you keep on calling just to know where I am? Those times when you won’t sleep unless I’m home? Those times when you hugged me before we go to sleep? Those times when you immediately wipe those tears from your eyes just so we can’t see that you’re hurting? Those were the times mom when I realized that I’m highly favored because God has given me best mother in this world.

You see mom, those simple things that you do are the things that made my sisters and I see this imperfect world in a different light. Those were the times when you unconsciously taught us to live our lives to the fullest but still in the presence of God. Thank you mom for your love that will never end. 
This day is your day mom and the only prayer that I have for you is this, may God answer all your prayers and may He continually make you a blessing not only to us but to every person you meet.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY! I LOVE YOU ! MUAH 
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Merryl's Message:

Ma,you of all people knows that writing is not my forte but i'll try my best to put into words how much i appreciate the things you have done and are doing for me,for us. I may not be good at words but i hope through this i may be able to express how much i love u and how grateful i am to God because He gave the most wonderful woman to be my mother.

You're my best shopping buddy because you pay for the things i get(haha). You're my no.1 listener when i need someone to hear all my dilemmas in school. You're my no.1 defender whenever divine teases me about us going to graduate at the same year. And lastly, you and dadsung were the first to believe that in the future,i will succeed in all my endeavors.

Thank you ma for never getting tired of me. Thank you for giving me the best example of being a mother and surely when i'll have my own children, i know it will not be that hard for me to raise them because you've shown me how it should be done. Thank you for loving us dearly. And ma, I love you so much. Just wait a little more, you and daddy, my sisters and I will be the sweetest fruits of your love and hard work. Happy birthday Mommy! I love you to the fullest.
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April's Message

Looking at myself and at my siblings now, I am amazed on how you managed to raise us all. I know it wasn't easy 4 u to divide your time.It wasn't easy 4 u to travel from Quirino to 2ge,2ge to manila,manila to Quirino and back to 2ge again just to spend time with us. You even had an accident by doing that but still,it didn't stop u from being the good mother that you are. You've shown us courage and when things seem hopeless,we draw our strength from you. There were times when we felt afraid but we never wavered because we knew that you are always there for us. You never fail to cheer us up and affirm us that we can be the best in everything we do and true enough, the best of who we are comes from you. You are a wondermom and know that all your efforts and sacrifices are appreciated. You have given more than enough and it is my prayer that we can also make you proud as a mother. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM and know that I love you so much. You are the best,nothing and no one can ever replace you in my heart.

Happy birthday Mommy!

I write about you now and I run out of lines.  I've exhausted all the good words I know there is but even “best” cannot adequately give life to all that you are to us.

Every inch of you speaks of love and warmth and security.  You are the most patient person I know and that is something about you that I keep trying to adapt.  You easily see something beautiful even in the worst situation and I don’t really understand how you do that.  You can be the most persistent caller, asking the same question all throughout.  You say it’s already 8am when it is only 6am just to wake us up.  And yes, you are not at all good in getting angry or in cracking jokes. 

You see, you've shown and given much of you that I couldn't help but thank God because you are a constant reminder of His faithfulness.  You do it so well, Mommy.  The small things and the big things, you do them all with the perfect art of femininity. 

You are and will always be my biggest advantage in life! Happy birthday, Mommy and I love you dearly!

Of love blog

I was looking for something in the web yesterday when I came across this blog: christianlovestories.blogspot.com.  I thought it was another hopeless romantic website and it was but there's something in it that made me want to read more. And I was inspired, I was all the more encouraged for a love story made in heaven.

The love of the husband for his wife; the chronicle of how such love can defy even cancer,that kind of love centered not on the woman or the man but on God alone.

And the prayer of Ruth Graham when she was in her teenage years, I would be praying that from today :)
In time, I'd add a Part 2 to that (like Kristy), in God's perfect time, I know, I will.

Let Him Be Like Thee

By: Ruth Graham (Mrs. Billy)

"Dear God," I prayed, all unafraid,

(As girls are apt to be),

"I do not want a handsome man,

But let him be like Thee.

"I do not need one big and strong,

Nor one so very tall,

Nor need he be some genius,

Or wealthy, Lord, at all.

"But let his head be high, dear God,

And let his eyes be clear,

His shoulders straight, whate'er his state,

Whate'er his earthly sphere.

"And let his face have character

A ruggedness of soul,

And let his whole life show, dear God,

A singleness of goal.

"And when he comes, as he will come,

With quiet eyes aglow,

I'll understand that he's the man

I prayed for long ago."

And So He Came

By Kristy Dykes (Mrs. Milton)

"And so he came, dear Lord, one day,

And set my heart aglow,

I knew he was the one I prayed for,

On that day so long ago.

"I prayed so modestly, dear Lord,

And didn't ask for much,

But You knew all along, dear Lord,

And used Your heavenly touch.

"He's as handsome as a picture

With hair as black as coal.

And eyes that always understand,

Revealing his compassionate soul.

"He is so very tall and strong

But that's not all, dear Lord,

His heart is full of tenderness,

That only love affords.

"I've met the one You chose for me

My heart is filled with mirth,

I thank You, Lord, so very much,

For heaven here on earth."

And just like the authors (Kristy and Milton) in that new found favorite blog site,I love christian love stories. I hope to write mine too, with a man after God's own heart.  :)

WASHING MACHINE AND THE THOUGHTS THAT CAME WITH IT (071313 Diary Entry))

Thank goodness, the washing machine I bought continues to make my life a little easier :) Makes me think of the next appliance I have (actually it's want and not have) to buy.

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Funny how the need for a washing machine could lead me to writing this. I know, it is kinda ordinary but for someone like me who always equate salary to new dresses, new books and lots of food,this is somehow interesting.

I do wash my clothes but because I am barely home during weekends, all I want to do when I have time is sleep. The idea of a washing machine only came after our neighbor's helper who usually do the laundry for us, left. We shifted to laundry shop but we soon noticed that we're losing pants and blouses. That left us with no choice but to do the laundry, hand wash at that. It would have been ok if we have the luxury of time but Merryl has Sat classes and April is in the Dialysis Ctr from 6-6, leaving us all restless with just the sight of the laundry basket.

I was really smiling last Thur with the thought of me, buying a home appliance. I was even amazed when I started thinking about the budget for grocery, my sisters' allowance, and other needs. It didn't feel like this when I was 5 years younger. It doesn't also feel like this when I'm at home. Well, home is and will always be my comfort zone: I don't cook, I don't wash, in short, I don't have to worry about anything.

But things are different now and the fact that I am 'growing up' became all the more obvious this week. Instead of searching for the latest book I can buy, I saw myself asking other people about washing machine brands. It also dawned on me that I can now save P250-P350 each week because it's bye bye laundry shop (though I have to take P150 for softdrinks and junk foods for me and my sisters. Hindi madaling magbanlaw haha). Wheew! Talk about saving and budgeting  I'll have to learn more of those.

And yes, I was able to finally buy one (and a flat iron on sale haha, you know, girls!) last night (pocket draining) and thanks to my ever cooperative body clock that woke me up at 7 instead of 10, I'm done with the three laundry baskets (It still took long because I didn't want to use the dryer and I'm a bit OC with some of our clothes that I had to hand-wash them. hay!!I need body massage). 

I've also just finished eating BRUNCH (breakfast-lunch) which I had to cook after washing because my sisters who are supposed to be helping me now are attending to a cousin's need. 

Oh, the thrills and frills of being independent! Fulfilling? Of course! These realizations bring me so much appreciation of the season I am in. Tiring? Definitely! But the physical exhaustion could never compare to the satisfaction that comes from within. There' so much more to learn (cooking) and I don't know if this new interest in household matters comes from being 25 haha! We'll see! 

So what now?? Oh, I intend to sleep the whole afternoon! Masyado na akong masipag

Happy Birthday Dadsung! (032413 FB Entry)

Have you not been strong enough to leave your old ways, I would not have had such an awesome family. Have u not chosen to be a faithful husband, even with the crowd of women around u, I would never have seen and believed in the beauty of marriage. Have u not responded to the call of God, things would have been really different. Have u not been "kengkoy" enough to sit beside me, put your arms around my shoulder, call me darling and neneng, and jokingly ask me on the things that are going on in my life, I wouldn't have had such assurance of the woman that I am. It takes a real man to do all those things daddy, a real man to become a good father, a wonderful husband, an obedient child of God. It takes a real man to be man enough and u did them all. I can never be more proud for being your daughter and day by day, your life reminds me of how God has greatly blessed me. To the one constant man in my life, happy birthday  Love u dadsung, see u in few days!

050413 Entry. Happy graduation to me!

No, this doesn't mean that I am now better than anyone else for I compete with no one but myself. Everyday, I struggle to be better than the younger me, to be wiser than the person that I used to be and this night marks another victory over the sometimes-or-more-often-hard-headed me:) 

And with all these, I give the highest honor to my God who allowed me to go beyond boundaries and to conquer more things I never thought I could. I know even better now that He is not yet finished with me. The thirst for learning goes on and this is just one of the many more beautiful things to come.

Self-Reminder

This article still has the same effect on me: it makes me smile big time !
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Dear Beautiful Me,

You know very well that there is nothing to be anxious about.  You are serving the Author of time, and what you think is too late for you is just His perfect timing of working out His plans.

I am glad and proud of the woman you’ve become.  Looking back, I didn’t know you would be as strong as you are now and I smile every time I look at you.  I know the journey has not been easy. You’ve had your fair share of the bumpy and winding roads but dear Joy, you’re hanging on and for every narrow way, you always come out victorious, glory to the God who sustains you.

You are beautiful, don’t you ever forget that.  The standards of the world can be deceiving, but I know that you know how beautiful and wonderful God made you.  You are a princess, the daughter of the Most High and when earthly things begin to take toll on you, I know that you will always overcome.

Protect your heart; guard your thoughts. I understand it isn’t easy but everything starts with the mind. I pray that you will never be misled by emotions. Do not rush my dearest for love knows its own time. Do not work things out on your own for you very well know where it will lead you. Wait patiently. It will come.

Never get tired of being good. No matter how unfair the world may seem, you’ve got to make a decision every single day to be the child that God created you to be: long-suffering.  Keep that love; keep that heart because at the end of it all, it’s always between you and your Master. Do not let the pains of the past rob the goodness in you but let it keep you going.

Keep exploring. Let the world surprise you with its grandeur. Stay curious.  Keep learning. Be brave enough to take challenges.  Savor life for you were made to explore and see how beautiful the earth your Father has created for you is. Study. Travel. Go and make the world your own!

Cherish time.  You know that no one has yet invented a machine that will transport you back to yesterday.  Live each day as if it’s your last.  Love fully and let each day be an expression of your appreciation of life.  Stay connected.  Reconnect if you must.  The people you value need to feel valued.  The people you love need to feel loved. Don’t hold yourself back. Express.  Make your presence felt. You are not getting any younger and every moment wasted is forever wasted. Don’t rely on “making up” because you can never really make up for the lost times. Each day will always be a new day.

Time is precious.  It’s a scarce resource.  Use it wisely.  Spend it right.

Keep dreaming.  Keep hoping.  God placed in you a dream and He has equipped you to make it happen. Don’t give up when circumstances would say otherwise.  Keep on.  Keep fighting.  You’re getting there and each day would remind you that you are a day closer to the answers.
Never give up on love.  Someone is kneeling before God and praying for you.  Keep believing in it.  Never distance yourself from its magic.  Allow your heart to feel it again; to celebrate it again.  You are looking at the same sky and like you, God is preparing him for your meeting.  The dreams you once dreamed will all come to pass, probably not with the person you dreamed it with, but it’s definitely with the man that God created exclusively for you.  And trust me, he, himself will be the definition of love to you.

Keep writing.  This is you.  This makes you YOU.  Let your mind free itself from everything and let it explore the world of words.  Then write.  Bring life to it.  Inspire the world.  You are a writer but more than that, you are God’s pen. Write your story the right way!

Lastly, keep the faith.  Never lose it.  Keep the fire burning and know that God will always see you through.  When trusting becomes so hard, remember that He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Fight the good fight of faith.  Take part in the kingdom.  Be a testimony of God’s power and love.  Four years ago, you were telling the world through this same Young Blood page how torn you were between your dreams and your convictions.  Look at you now, God finally reconciled the two.  You’re now on track, doing the things you love most.

My dearest Me, I want you to always remember that you are good the way you are.  The angels rejoice with you.  The heavens celebrate your uniqueness, your being you.  And even when troubles come, I know we’ll always make it.  We’re more than conquerors, aren’t we?  Whatever life brings us, we choose to live a life that is for Christ.  You are beautiful, more than you’ve ever known.  You are blessed, more than you can ever imagine.  And yes, you are what your name says about you.  Joy.   You are a perfect masterpiece created by the Maker of heaven and earth.  You are a sight to behold.

And don’t forget we’re partners, okay?  We’re in this together: mind and heart united, until we hear our Master say, “well done my good and faithful servant.”

Until next time beautiful Joy.

http://opinion.inquirer.net/44007/a-self-reminder

I am 25 and I love it! (Diary Entry 6/15/13)

Twenty five years. Wow! Happy silver anniversary to me! J  And because it is one special day, I’m giving myself the privilege to write everything I want.  Three, five or even another 25 years from now, I will go back to this note and vividly remember how God has sustained me.

When the clock hit 12 MN, I purposively scanned my journals and looked at all the photos in my laptop.  I wanted to look back; I wanted to see once more how I spent the first 25 years of my life.  I wanted to remember the people who became part of the journey; to reflect on how every name, how every face has contributed to the woman I am now staring in the mirror.

It’s humbling.  It’s heartwarming.  In their faces, I saw how God has been moving the past years.  To each and every circumstance I’ve faced and dealt with them, I’ve learned a lot. 

Of dreaming, exploring and succeeding

Money will never define success.  At the onset of my career, that was what I pursued and it brought me nowhere.  Success is when you dream of that something you really love doing, pursuing it no matter what the cost and enjoying it along the way.  It is when after the end of each day, you are able to smile and feel contented with what you are doing.  Success is when you feel that your dreams and convictions are finally one J

The glory that comes with letting go

When I was in Singapore, I used to look up and say, “Why does the sky seem to be so small, Lord?”  Hope was elusive and things were totally out of control.  I didn’t know how to respond anymore but in my darkest times, God found His way to humble me and to usher me back home.  It was there that I learned what total surrender means.    It was also there that I saw how blessed I am for having my family who has supported me all the way, friends who have cried and prayed with me and spiritual family who never got tired of interceding for me.

When I started letting go of my own plans, everything started making sense.  The sky seemed to be so vast again. The journey with jeeps, buses and planes all started with a bold declaration, “TAKE OVER Lord!”

Of buses, jeepneys, motorbikes and planes

When I was attending a Sunday Service in CLSU Lakas Angkan, a pastor related of how God has brought him to places without spending, and he said, God can do the same in our lives.  I believed him and I claimed it but it took years before I saw it coming to life. 

Until now, I am still amazed on how God has orchestrated the details of my life.  I once attended a job fair in MOA after graduation.  After that, I sat on the benches near the bay.  I remember how I was looking at the planes in the sky and I said, “God, one day, I’ll ride planes again.”

And here I am now, going to places I never thought I would ever reach.  I ride on buses to different towns, motorbikes (and even habal-habal) going to communities and yes, planes to different countries and provinces.  And when I am hundreds of feet above the ground, I would look down and realize how big God is.  He is able!

Of love, being loved and loving again

I’ve missed writing about love, the romantic kind of love this time.  There are times when people close to me would brutally tell me that I’m not getting any younger; that maybe, I’ll end up being an old maid.  The first time I heard all those, I was in a panic and I wanted to rush in love again but God said, uh-oh, not again dear Joy J

And so I made a decision to give myself the chance to be alone.  I promised to give myself more time to explore, to enjoy being with friends and family, to dream on my own.  Sure, there were still times when I wished someone was texting me those cheesy messages and there were times when I wanted to break my rule but I knew it wasn’t time yet.  So I learned to enjoy the season and to take it as my time to prepare myself for that special day.

Here’s a portion of what I wrote dated 09/26/12.

I think of you now.  I will think of you in the coming days, in the coming months.  I guess, there will never be a time when I won’t be thinking of you.  Until we meet face to face.  Until we reach that moment when we both wouldn’t know how to tell the story of you, finding me, and me, waiting for you. 

Until then my dearest.   Until you find me.  Until I see you.  Until we meet. 

It was liberating!  The moment I let go the world’s dictates as to what makes me happy, God, the ultimate lover of my soul, finally had the space to show me things I could never even put into words.  I gave Him the pen of my love story and He is about to let the world read His beautiful masterpiece!

Of studying, learning and growing in wisdom

When I enrolled for graduate studies, it was out of boredom and it was simply for another extension to my name.  Along the process, I realized that I want to learn more so I can give more.  Studying and learning are two different things and I continue to choose the latter. 

Of my undying motto, always choose to do good

But I am no saint and it’s always been because of God’s grace.  I will always thank Him for the wisdom that avenging myself will never lessen the pain I’ve been through; that the more I hate, the more I hurt.  And so I smiled.  I laughed.  I wept for a while but I made sure to stand firm afterwards.  I chose to do good and I have no regrets.  Good things followed me afterwards.

The journey continues

Twenty five years and counting! Just like the first quarter, I know that the next years will not be smooth at all but I take honor in every breaking and molding because gold is always refined in flames. The journey continues and my heart is filled with gratitude to all those who journeyed with me.

And while this may be one of the best years I had, I believe that my God never runs out of best things for His children.  I will see more, and soon, I will write them all once more!

I am 25 and I love it!

Day before my birthday, my Supervisor asked me to come early the following morning for a meeting.  I thought I'll be deployed in Mindanao for the Emergency Response. The next day, I was at the office at 7.  When they called me to enter the conference room, I brought with me my pen, laptop and notebook, thinking that we'll be having a meeting. But lo and behold, charraaannn!!! Thanks ITD Team and to my officemates :)   

Last year, our Pre-Selection Training (PST) was set on my birthday and these PST batchmates surprised me.  And here they are, again!

And yes, celebrating my birthday with family is definitely heaven.

This bday surprise happened a week before my birthday.  My HS barkada knew that I can't see them on the 15th so the day after I got back from a work-related travel, they asked me to see them somewhere in Cubao.  They told me to bring an extra shirt.  Well, we went to Enchanted Kingdom and had a good time!